I feel comfortable in my own skin

 Girls! I got a date for all of us, but… the boys told me that we have to go with straight hair if we want to go out with them. - Exclaimed one of my friends from adolescence in my hometown, Bogotá.

What??? - We said along with my other friend present at that moment.

Yes, it's because they don't like curly-haired women - My friend said when we were only 16 years old.

Clearly we didn't go on that date.

Throughout my childhood and teenage years I felt that my hair was very difficult to control, that it was very strange, since it was neither straight nor curly, and that I had not been lucky enough to have what my brother had: blue eyes and straight blonde hair. Additionally, I felt that my cheeks were chubby, my nose had a small bump and my eyes were very light. I can say that many of my physical complexes were born because of the media and the canons of beauty that society proposes, models with long, thin bodies, big breasts, blonde barbies with certain physical characteristics that made me feel that my body did not meet those parameters to basically have success and a future (which fortunately are changing since they are promoting the acceptance and inclusion of bodies) because my parents always transmitted confidence in me and always highlighted my qualities.

Apart from having this pressure from the media, some members of my family like aunts and grandmothers made comments like: "Laura is the fattest of the cousins", "gordita", "how come you've gained weight!", "you look pale today", "the prettiest cousin is...", etc... Fortunately for me I was and have been a very honest girl, and somewhat sassy/respondona and I always told them that I was not looking for approval or that I had not asked their opinions. I remember my grandmother's cousin who was overweight once told me: you're fat, to which I replied... haven't you looked in a mirror? And that was an insult to her. I was and still am bothered by opinions that no one has asked about other people's bodies.

When my cool older cousin started putting eyeliner on her eyes, I was like… Wow! I wanted it, and I started applying eyeliner, then blush, and then more makeup when I was 16. Going out without makeup and without earrings was a resounding NO antes muerta que sencilla!, partly I felt it as a need to "cover up my flaws" because I didn't feel pretty enough.

Latin culture, in large part, points to those women who are "messy", "desarregladas". I heard a lot of cases where women at work were asked to straighten their hair, wear heels, and a host of other stupid conditions in order to be able to enter the job, and if not, it could basically be the perfect excuse to fire the person. It was pretty ridiculous, just like having tattoos, piercings, etc., things that really don't affect a person's productivity at work, nor do they define us as a bad person.

With social media, and posting photos, my complexes began to grow. When I started dating guys in Colombia (in my 20's), there was no time when I would go on a date with curly hair, NO WAY, ni muerta! I always went with straight hair because I felt that way the guys would think I was sexier.

And that was until I got to Australia!!!. The first thing that surprised me when I got to Sydney was seeing ordinary people in pajamas or walking barefoot on the street and that many of the women walk around without any makeup, it's like a very natural beach vibe and that seemed very incredible to me. When I got to Sydney, my roommates were planning to go to a party and I immediately thought about straightening my hair and applying makeup, but it was summer and there was a lot of humidity, that didn't work, my straightening lasted 1 hour, and my makeup would run off, what am I going to do? It can't be possible.

Then I realized that people here (not all of them, of course) really didn't care, nor are they aware of what you wear, do or don't do (that's how I perceive it), "cada quién está en su cuento. There are women of all shapes, cultures, colors, and different hair styles who looked so confident in their bikinis, that seemed simply wonderful to me.

Sure enough, after a few weeks I gave up, stopped straightening my hair and started looking into the right products for my hair care and my hair started to take shape. I often heard positive comments about my physical appearance, even when I went out on dates, and although I know I don't live to please others, I was surprised because I didn't have that perception of myself, I didn't feel sexy at all, especially when I went around without makeup and with curly hair. My friends in Sydney were also key because they helped me raise my self-esteem and feel confident about my own body.

Then I moved to Tasmania with my partner, who we literally spend most of our time in pajamas with, even when we met through COVID, he sees me beautiful, even if I don't have a drop of makeup on and I have "Hermione" hair, which attracts me a lot about him and I like that he loves me just the way I am, I've never heard him say "why don't you dress up more?", "your hair looks ugly", "you'd look better in heels or dresses" or things like that. Although of course, it's nice to dress up from time to time to go out, I love makeup with sparkles, and all those pretty colors that highlight the face, but to me is a huge and a great step forward to feel beautiful as I was born, to feel that I don't need makeup to feel comfortable in public.

When I see my photos from my childhood and youth, I say, Wow! What was it that made me so self-conscious? Mini Laurita was a beautiful girl, full of joy, passion, dreams and still for sure. But actually, it is not worth being so concerned or worried about what others will say or think. We all have a spark that makes us unique, beautiful. No one asks to be born with certain physical characteristics. Why do we go so hard on this subject, if what is important is inside?

Nowadays I have my complexes and insecurities, but in general I like myself just the way I am. I like my curly hair, it is synonymous with freshness, vitality, movement, disheveled, living, beach vibes, feeling like myself and why not? Being sexy. I like my facial features and my body because it is my habitat, it is the home of my soul in this earthly world.

Here I learned to feel exotic, free, without prejudices or labels.

Con cariño

Laura.