Cleaning job became my spiritual retreat

 “¡Nooo, Ni pu'el chiras! I'm not going to buy new shoes for this job, obviously I'm going to find another better job than this one, maximum 2 months here”. I said to myself proudly when I was hired for the cleaning job in Sydney, not knowing that I would be cleaning the same office for over 2 years.

Cleaning was my first job in Sydney in 2019, I had to clean the floor number 2 of a bank. It was huge, on this floor they did trading (like the Wolf of Wall Street movie) and the truth is that it was a blow to my ego, and something very necessary that had to happen in my life to learn to be more humble.

I remember that the first few days I thought about how unfair it was that I was earning $25.00 AUD per hour with 0 experience at that time, while the cleaners in my country earned a minimum and they had more experience and attitude. At that time I realized the hard work that the cleaning ladies do and the stigma that they have as “poor things” or that they are “less than” for being in that job and I realized it because while I was working, some of the office workers looked at me with those same eyes that perhaps I had one day made in my country to the ladies.

Days and months passed and my patience was running out, I had a WhatsApp group with the Latinas where we made jokes, we warned each other if the boss was on rounds and I always started the shift writing and complaining about how much I wanted to get out ASAP, and well, that's how I spent 4 and a half hours from Monday to Friday, cleaning, alone with myself, during the night hours from 6:00pm to 10:30pm.

Suddenly I was very angry, desperate and felt a lump in my throat. I asked myself why I hated that job so much. The days passed, and I realized that I didn't hate the job, but rather the fact of being with myself, alone, with my own mind, overthinking over and over again. 

“Stop thinking”, “Stop it”, “Shhhh”, “enough”, “no more”, Okay, “let's concentrate on cleaning”,”ya, no más” I told myself, but not until I realize that I needed to be kind in my own mind, my own house, so I began to say out loud and think: Okay, “I accept my thoughts”, “I allow them to be”, “let them be”, “why do I think this?”, “why do I think this?”, “what does this thought want to tell me?” This took me time to learn, to be able to accept my thoughts and live in my mind with tranquility and love. Then I began to change my perception of many things that I didn’t contemplate before. I feel that it helped me to grow up, to discover awareness and basically the cleaning job became a spiritual retreat.

Ah! And indeed I bought new shoes because my back hurt a lot from physical work, but above all, my feet hurt terribly, at one point I got some very unusual balls on the soles of my feet and the pain got worse, I couldn't even walk, and the reason of that pain was because of my shitty shoes that was not made for working. I remembered I thought and told myself what a stupid attitude, if in the end the shoes are for my own well-being. So, if you are starting out as a cleaner, I recommend investing in good shoes to avoid bad consequences lol.

Usually my routine in that time (2019 - 2021) was: went to study in the morning, then picked up the girls I was babysitting for, and then went to the cleaning job at night. Every time I had gray clouds in my mind, or with disturbances or thoughts that limited me, I immediately knew that in the cleaning job I was going to clear my head, solve and analyze myself. I could understand what was happening in me, why I was feeling certain sensations and in fact I was starting to like being alone for 4 and a half hours. Suddenly I realized that the work that was my enemy, which I hated, became bearable. I could meditate, introspect, think clearly and allow myself to be honest with myself.

This was crucial for my growth, it helped me manage my ego, learn to be with myself, I cried, I laughed, it filled me with wisdom, I appreciated the work of the cleaners, my parents, it made me think and be more considerate and grateful with my parents. With my mother who got up at 4am to leave us lunch, she was always so welcoming and lovely to us, with my father who did the market, worked, and cleaned the house. I realized how ungrateful and kind of helpless I could be as a daughter. The cleaning job taught me to value, to say my thoughts out loud, and follow my intuition.

Then I started listening to podcasts of personal growth, psychology, books (hiding my headphones because we couldn't wear anything) and well, It was amazing because I was in a very deep stage of my life, and in a certain way I felt calm with myself. , but of course I'm not going to lie to you, I don't like the work of cleaning and I respect anyone who likes it but it is not for me.

I was working in Darling Harbour, a movie location, beautiful! I always passed in front of a beautiful building with lights while I vacuumed, I heard the people below the building enjoying themselves, singing and dancing at the pubs. I wondered when I was going to be in that place dancing and singing instead of cleaning. At that time I kind of gave up looking for another job, and I felt like I was going to last as a cleaner forever. I looked at that building a lot, very nostalgic, and I asked myself a lot when I'm going to get a job that allows me to enjoy, that I can finish early, go out, socialize... one day.

Then in times of Covid, the streets were lonely, in silence, my friends were quitting one by one, we had a terrible boss at that time, but we made him fired for workplace harassment (I will tell you about this in another article). I began to arrive very late to work, very bored, like when your body tells you to get out of there, I began to sit and read books in English hidden, even one day the new boss caught me and told me that I didn't take my job seriously and it was true I did not. At the same time, I was afraid of quitting, some colleagues and friends told me not to quit because there was no better option, so I was there for fear of not finding another job and of being left without money when I needed it most.

At that time I was listening to the audiobook “Women Who Run with Wolves” by Clarissa Pinkola which took me 3 months to finish and understand the book, repeating again and again, and actually this book helped me to take a decision, I finished it and I said to myself, now what? And that was when I decided to close the cleaner chapter.

I was grateful, I looked again at the building I always passed and thought: “all things pass”, it's time to embrace something new, embrace change and make decisions based on love, not fear, I wont see you again (I told the building). 

Now, in 2024 I am in a completely different stage of my life, with another job , in another place. I continue working on myself, discovering, constantly learning, life itself is therapy. All things pass, TODO PASA, new beginnings always come.

Trust.

Con cariño.

Laura Maria.

(Photo taken from the 2nd floor of the Westpac Bank in Darling Harbour, that was the building I always pass trough vacuuming)