My 30's are not a fairy-tale?

My name is Laura Maria and I turned 30 years old in January. I am Latina and I currently live in Australia. I have always wanted to develop my own project to have my own schedule and work wherever I want. I imagine myself with a laptop, writing in a very nice café, or at the beach, at the park, like a fairy tale movie character story, that is my dream.

I have many ideas, my head is full of imagination and creativity, since I was little I have been a dreamer (like some people also have told me as I am a bit distracted), imagining stories, song lyrics, cuentos, when I walked down the street I imagined colors and figures coming through places, I love painting, drawing, doing craft. Even at school when teachers asked me to make the world map, I cared more about making it look aesthetically beautiful with colors and I didn't really pay attention to geography, the billboards in the school had to look beautiful. Anyway, returning to the main topic, I always have an excuse for not developing my ideas. I really don't know where to start and it is too difficult for me to focus on an idea or finish what I have started, sometimes I self-sabotage with comments such as “that idea already exists”, “it's not going to work”, “and if it goes well, what do I do”, “I must give full focus to my project”, “it's better not to do anything”, “I don't have time to develop my ideas”, “Is it good enough?”, and well…I contradict myself because I want to get an idea but at the same time I accept many work hours (I have 3 jobs) and I don't prioritize what I really want to do, but lately I'm getting terribly desperate to create something. What is it? I don't know, but along the way I'm going to realize, I'm going to start with my stories, including my own and I'll see what emerges.

Well, a little more about me to warm up, I am a spontaneous person, I like to be a little silly or funny (I think so) I really don’t care too much to fit in or seek validation which I think is a super power maybe. I am honest, I try to flow and be open and it takes me a long time to gain confidence to be myself 100%. I have to admit, lately I have felt affected when viewing social networks and I fall into that dichotomy or self-sabotage of comparison with “successful people” knowing that success is relative, there is no absolute truth but I begin to compare and ask if I have done enough in the 30 years of my life, I wonder how a certain person does a thousand things in a day, I see influencers who meditate , they read, they do fitness, they cook, they work online, they walk, they go out with friends, with their pets, with their partners, they have their own businesses and I say like WTF how they can do so many things, but then I remind myself each life and process is different.

Let's continue with the initial topic... The development of ideas, has it happened to you? Do you have many ideas and don't know how to start? Well, if you have already resolved and have taken a path, please I receive advice.

In this space, imperfection is absolutely welcome. If you don't know what to do with your life, how to start with your ideas, if you are a wanderer, or have moved to another country, you are welcome to this space free of perfection. If you are weird and consider yourself different from others, I tell you: It is ok to be different, there are more of us weirdos, you are not alone.

I can't say that I'm living in a fairy tale story, but I am creating my own story where I am the fairy.

Cheers 

Xoxo